"You become [Real].  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't happen too often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

Rose Agnes Hickey, age 102, beloved mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, passed to new life (became fully Real) on April 3, 2025, at Lourdes Senior Center Community in Waterford, MI.

The oldest of five children, Rose was born in Adrian, MI on February 13, 1923, to the late Walter and Agnes (Neumaier) Hermes.  She was preceded in death on September 12, 1991 by her husband, Donald J. Hickey after a marriage of 47 years. Mom and Dad were high school sweethearts.  Together they raised six sons (girls were evidently not allowed until granddaughters arrived much later) who will miss her immensely.

One time she said, "Every night I pray to God that I be able to see another day.  Then, in the morning, I pray that I may see all that is beautiful in the day ahead, and that I may notice it and be present to it." While her life was not without the normal setbacks, surprises, health issues, and disappointments, it's fair to say that she lived this prayer out.  To the best of her ability, she welcomed and enjoyed her long life.  Every chance she had, Mom did as she always encouraged her sons to do in social settings – "Mingle!"

As she reflected in the Winter 2024 edition of the Lourdes magazine The Continuum, "To me, my greatest accomplishment is my family and the bonds that we've forged." A prime example is how she totally welcomed and embraced her daughters-in-law and their families, and how she avidly kept up with the goings on of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  She was blessed with a very sharp memory, and until the end, she was the go-to person if you wanted to find out the latest news of anyone in the family.  She liked to say that her kitchen table had seen and heard just about everything over the years.  That's because she held a space in her heart and her home for whatever anyone wanted or needed to share.  The table was welcome not only to family, but to many classmates and friends of her sons, who often referred to Mom and Dad warmly as Thelma Lou and Otis – two characters from the Andy Griffith Show which she continued to enjoy in re-runs into her later years.

Mom's good memory extended to the staff at Mendelson Assisted Living Center who cared for her.  She called each by their name, and would ask, again by name, how their children and even grandchildren were doing.  She had a way of always enlarging her sense of "family."  And the basket of candy bars she kept full in her room further let staff members know that she cared about them.  Her family is grateful for all that staff members did to care for Mom at Lourdes, and we were especially touched by all who came to Mom's room during her final days to hug her and kiss her and tell her that you loved her.

Mom was also blessed with a wicked sense of humor that she delighted in employing to take a son down a notch or two.  She laughed easily and often, and was not above making herself the subject of her humor.  When she did so, it was often about something earthy.  No bodily function was off limits!  She knew how to be polite and proper, but she got much more mileage and joy out of being Real.  As she told one physical therapist, "You could train me for the next three weeks as an Olympian, and I am not going to dance out of this place"

In Adrian, Dad coached Mom in high school basketball, and she had a lifelong love of sports and games.  Besides basketball, she could play softball, ping pong, badminton, croquet, and all kinds of card and board games.  An avid golfer, she played in leagues with friends in the Farmington area, and is one of four members of the family who has made a hole-in-one!  Likewise, Mom was often on the sidelines cheering on family in football, baseball, basketball, and soccer – a knowledgeable and dedicated fan.  In later years, she took great joy in watching sports on TV, and bled green and white for the Michigan State Spartans.  She usually watched golf with the sound muted because she knew as much about the players and what was happening in a tournament as the sportscasters did, and she loved to share what she knew.

Dear friends filled her life, and those friendships brought mutual support and joy.  Mom confessed that it was very difficult to leave her home and friends in Adrian and move to Farmington in 1965 when Dad started a new job near Marygrove College, but the new friends she made as a result of that move and the activities she engaged in then and in the years that followed opened her to new adventures and fostered a spirit of self-confidence and independence that later stood her well in over 30 years of widowhood.  That self-confidence also enabled Mom to help Dad in the business he started – Donald J. Hickey & Associates (now 58 years old) -- and she worked in the office for many years.  As for adventures, one of her most memorable was a 10-day trip to Ireland.

Finally, the foundation for all Mom did with her long life was her faith.  A lifelong Catholic, she was committed to Mass, the Rosary, Communion, and daily prayer.  She would often inquire about a family member going through a tough time and let them or their family know that she was praying for them.  And even though her faith life stretched for more than a century, she always kept an open mind to new ways of expressing her faith, new ways of understanding it more deeply.  She was not one to get stuck in past ways of doing or seeing things that didn't fit the present reality.  This is perhaps one of the greatest lessons she leaves us all.  What a life she led.  What a life she gave us.

Surviving are her sons, William (Billie), Michael (Maryanne), David (Linda), Patrick (Michelle), Daniel (Mary Jo), and Brian (Christy); 12 grandchildren; 13 great-grandchildren; and a brother, Paul Hermes.

Mom's cremains will be buried with Dad's in a private ceremony in Holy Sepulchre Cemetery.  Memorial contributions can be made to Lourdes Senior Community at https://www.lourdesseniorcommunity.org/

"Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose"
"The Rose" by Amanda McBroom